Better Know An Opponent: Bowling Green

This is the second in an 11-part series highlighting 10 things you may not know about Mizzou’s opponents in the 2009 football season. Please keep in mind that while everything below is true, it’s meant in jest.

Part One – Illinois

Today’s profile: The Bowling Green Falcons

1) Bowling Green State University is located in Bowling Green, Ohio. This is notable because Bowling Green, Ohio isn’t even the most universally recognized Bowling Green, as far as I can tell. Bowling Green, Kentucky holds that title. To be quite honest, I always thought that Bowling Green was in Kentucky. Do you realize how backwards this is?

Imagine, for a second, that there was a University of Omaha (not Nebraska-Omaha, not Creighton…just the University of Omaha). Where would you expect that University to be located? Nebraska, right?

Well, by Bowling Green standards, you’d be wrong. It would be on Omaha Beach.

2) In 1946, University President Frank J. Prout began a secret society to promote campus spirit. He chose six people from the yearbook (a highly selective process, obviously) and told them to meet him in his office at 12:45 a.m. and be secretive about it. The six people became the original members of SICSIC, the anonymous spirit organization. The members put on masks, jumpsuits and gloves, and hand out candy to fans. They are not unmasked until the last home basketball game of the year.

According to Wikipedia (truthiness!), the six masks used this year will be Queen Elizabeth, Michael Jackson, Abraham Lincoln, Darth Vader, Carlos Santana and Regis Philbin. So, in a lot of ways, it’s like Tap Day at Mizzou, except instead of being bestowed one of the highest academic and social honors in the world, you get to dress up like the dude who wrote "Black Magic Woman" or the guy who hosted Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. Classy.

3) Bowling Green has a satellite campus known as BGSU Firelands, right on the shores of Lake Erie. Here’s a recent picture of the campus.

Too easy. Too easy.

4) Do yourself a favor and peruse the Bowling Green Web site. It’s clear that BGSU is on the cutting edge of technology; at the top of the page, you can see links to the school’s RSS feed, its blogs, its SmugMug account (uhhhh?), its Facebook, its Twitter, its YouTube and its MySpace. A really nice touch.

There’s also a nice scrolling picture montage, where they obviously went to great lengths to show diversity. There’s a black guy, a Hispanic guy, an Asian girl, a couple white girls, a black girl, a HOLY MOTHER OF GOD IN HEAVEN.

Bowling Green State University: the school for GIANT WOMEN.

5) Well, it’s about that time to find something hilarious about the Bowling Green campus.

Of course, there’s a mammoth cemetery in the middle of campus, but I’ve now determined that that’s par for the course. Seriously, when will people stop building colleges around cemeteries?

But that’s joke’s been done. Let’s find something else. What’s that little building right there, No. 103? The one next to the cemetery?

Well, that’s comforting.

6) Bowling Green, Ohio is located on the edge of the Great Black Swamp. I’m going to hold off on the Swamp Thing joke, only because I can do better.

Every year, Bowling Green, Ohio hosts the National Tractor Pulling Championships. Nope, no redneck joke here. Reality will instead provide this one.

Here it comes: Bowling Green, Ohio prides itself on being green. Very, very green. They have an $8.8 million utility-sized wind farm with four turbines. They’ve also got solar-powered kiosks that provide information to visitors. The Municipal Utility company allows residents to request green energy. It’s a very green city.

Except for, you know, last year. When they signed a millions-of-dollars-a-year contract with AMP-Ohio to build a 960-megawatt coal-fired power plant.

It’s at this point that I’d like to direct you to this Web site.

7) Hold on, I need to field this phone call.

/picks up phone

Hello? Yeah. Uh-huh. Right now? OK, can do.

/hangs up phone

Well, that was Jesus. He says it’s EMBARRASSING ALUMNI TIME!!!

Judson Laipply, the Evolution of Dance guy.

The one male figure skater in the world who is totally, totally straight, Scott Hamilton. Totally straight.

Ensign Charles Parker from McHale’s Navy.

A guy named Orel. Teehee.

Ric Ocasek, former rhythm guitarist and vocalist for The Cars. Because really, who’s gonna drive you home?

8) Illinois, I think you’ve been topped in the ridiculous fight song category. Bowling Green’s fight song?

Ay Ziggy Zoomba.

Enjoy.

Ay Ziggy Zoomba Zoomba Zoomba
Ay Ziggy Zoomba Zoomba Ze
Ay Ziggy Zoomba Zoomba Zoomba
Ay Ziggy Zoomba Zoomba Ze
Roll along, you B-G warriors
Roll along, and fight for B-G-S-U.

The song comes from a Zulu war chant, and was written in Gilbert Fox in 1948, an original member of SICSIC. But what’s little known is that it was at the request of then-coach Zibhebhu.

Great offensive coordinator, but just couldn’t make the transition to head coach.

9) The mascot at Bowling Green is the Falcon, and the fuzzy things that run around on the sideline are Freddy and Frieda Falcon.

Their identities are kept secret until near the end of the year, when they take place in a "beheading ceremony" (seriously).

This is an artist’s rendition.

10) I can connect Bowling Green to Mizzou by just two degrees of separation. Ready? Here goes.

Bowling Green’s main rival is Toledo.

Who’s a former coach of Toledo?

Gary Pinkel.

The Falcons and the Rockets play for the Peace Pipe in the Battle of I-75. In Pinkel’s ten seasons at the helm of Toledo, he went 5-5 against Bowling Green. As with all ties, we need to get a ruling.

Welp, that settles that. Thanks again, Jeopardy Fatality Jesus!

Tune in next week for the third installment of Better Know An Opponent!