Well, this is awkward. The social networking site that allows you to "edit friends" was quietly dropped by 100,000 people in Britain last month, according to Inside Facebook. Facebook dismissed the figures, but just in case the thought has crossed your mind, just how do you log off permanently?
▶ Don't get sucked in. Go to the account menu on the top righthand corner of the page and click on account settings, then deactivate account. But whatever you do, don't look at your news feed. Yes, your friend just got back from working as a child psychologist in Uganda, but I'm sure it was really boring. That YouTube link to the mayor of Oslo singing Simply the Best while promising to buy a polar bear won't be funny. Ask your friends to send you nice invitations through the post instead.
▶ Harden your heart. Facebook will confront you with a set of pictures of your friends laughing winningly. The captions read "Anna will miss you", "Daniel will miss you", "Adrian will miss you". Nice try, Facebook. When you look closer you will see you only met Daniel once at a party and Anna's picture is an old school photograph of you in braces, which a true friend would have burned. The last one is your husband. He will not miss you.
▶ Never explain. Facebook insists you tell them why you are rejecting them. Have they not shown you enough affection? (Option: "I don't find Facebook useful.") Feel smothered? ("I get too many emails, invitations, and requests from Facebook.") Adjust your privacy settings. Best to cut to the chase and tell them you have found Twitter.
▶ Remove temptation. Opt out of receiving future emails and confirm and submit to disable your profile and remove your name and picture from anything you've shared on Facebook. Or take the nuclear option and permanently delete your account. Click on help, then search for "delete my account", follow the link and click on "submit your request here". The account will be deleted immediately, but it can take up to a fortnight for Facebook to clear your information from its cache.
▶ Hold your nerve. Ignore the sudden giddyness and disorientation. Scrabble to log back in.