Answering Yahoos

I’m just gonna let this one speak for itself.

Sounds like someone needs to dump their girlfriend.

Seriously, though, this is a common problem around this time of year, what with midterms and what-not. As a college student who spends her time making fun of people seeking help on Yahoo! Answers, clearly I have no advice to give.

We’re doomed.

It sounds like you want to constrain his Free Will, but he’s really Determined.

I heard down in Mexico there was this three-headed cow born, and I was like NO WAY, and then I figured that that had to be a sign of the apocalypse, right? Not because it’s weird or in the bible or anything, but because dude they have cows in Mexico now? Humanity has gone TOO FAR and we need to be destroyed.

My psychic says I have a long life ahead of me though, so I guess I’ll be SURVIVING THE APOCALYPSE, you guys. NO BIG DEAL.

Dear Reader,

Next time you feel like you are wasting your day, frittering the hours away on some meaningless task: remember this question. Remember that someone thought it up, typed it into Yahoo! Answers, and then waited for the responses to come in. Remember that this person legitimately thought that this was an appropriate use of their time. And feel just a bit better about yourself.

Using the magic of subtraction!

Other – equally credible – evidence of the fall.

• The band The Fall.
• The movie The Fall.
• Sometimes I trip and fall.
• The Fall season.
• My uncle has a speech impediment and sometimes mispronounces “full” as “fall.”

I think you mean freedom fries, and no, it’s not weird. Because everybody loves freedom.

You’re totally right to worry – no one wants to be rude in this situation. After all, the act of politely asking someone to stop smoking is known to cause lung cancer to those around you.

OH WAIT.

It is not a big deal to kindly request that your friend quit lighting up in your presence. Which is a shame, because you really need to put this chick in her place. SO. You ever see the terrible George Clooney Batman movie? The one with Poison Uma, and Alicia Silverstonecoldcareer? You need to get the freeze gun the Gov. Schwarzenegger used in that movie and train it on your friend the next time she even reaches for her smokes. She’ll get the message.

If she doesn’t, Commissioner Gordon has 11 minutes to thaw her out.

Here’s what’s awesome – “too easy” is both an accurate description of this question, and an accurate answer to this question.