Despite its high-caliber journalism, The Onion has once again been snubbed by the body that awards the Pulitzer Prizes. Here’s what’s wrong with the Pulitzer Board:
- A cabal of aging virgins whose only hope is a pity-lay from the sluts at The New York Times or The Philadelphia Inquirer
- Too stupid to fully grasp implications of threats
- Unwilling to acknowledge any publication not financially in the red
- Board member Junot Díaz was rejected by The Onion three times in 1994, and this is his sick and twisted form of revenge
- Extremely convoluted bribery requirements
- Disrespects the work of The Onion’s brave war photographers due to prejudice against minors
- Only able to get their withered old rocks off anymore by seeing the word “Katrina” written in a serifed font
- Bunch of babies pooping in their baby diapers
- Just not very good at their jobs