Why every woman secretly craves a daughter

“A son’s a son ‘til he gets a wife. A daughter’s a daughter, all of your life.”

So goes the ancient proverb; reassuring aging parents down the centuries that at least their daughter will be there to empty the bed-pan. It’s an invidious little rhyming couplet that assumes so much about gender – women are nurturing, self-sacrificing and embedded within the family unit; men are free to make their own lives, leaving the messy business of paying-back parental devotion to the girls.

But even those of us who work hard to raise compassionate sons, will accept that it’s probably, possibly, (whisper it) true. If you are a parent of both sexes, you suspect early on that it’s the girls who will eventually bring round a lasagne and book your doctor’s appointments. So, could it be, that this fear of desertion by one's children is at the heart of the news that 80 per cent of British couples travelling to one of America’s largest fertility clinics are specifically requesting female embryos?

Dr Daniel Potter treats ten British patients a month, all of who want IVF treatment only in order to select the sex of their baby. He has revealed that eight in ten of them want a girl. And that's just one clinic. Hundreds more could be travelling to others across America - indeed, the numbers are rising by 20 per cent a year. Sex selection for non-medical reasons is banned in Britain and a controversial subject.

Are we conditioned to want little girls?

So other than support in old age, what is the appeal of a daughter? Dr Potter says that the women he sees are desperate for a girl, having grown up playing with dolls. Simply, they always imagined they would have daughter. Although concrete sales figures are not readily available, any parent will tell you that baby-dolls on shop shelves are predominantly dressed in pink and the ‘older’ versions commonly possess long blonde hair to brush and a wardrobe of dresses. Maybe he has a point - are these cultural influences hard-wiring us to crave a soft little girl to nurture?

Of course, there have always been mothers longing for a daughter. it's just that they're hidden away, weeping silently over piles of dirty football shorts and drying their tears on the pink christening robe handed down by their grandmother. Now, American IVF clinics have brought them out of the closet.

Beverley with her son, Croyde - and two younger daughters, Trixie and Kiki

I'm the mother of one son, two daughters - my son having arrived first. I was happy to have a healthy little boy. But even the hardiest of mothers will occasionally feel baffled, wrong-footed or, frankly, utterly defeated by a male toddler.

The sheer reserves of energy, boisterousness, noise, aggression and stubbornness possessed by the average two-year-old boy can leave many clueless, furious or upset.

The fact that girls develop language sooner and can therefore be easier to reason with, only exacerbates the issue. Of course, there are many exceptions. But most mothers who have tried to get their four-year-old son to sit still long enough to watch you peel a pile of carrots will know what I’m talking about. These women go for coffee with other new mums and watch enviously as the little girls crowd around a colouring book for a quiet half-an-hour, while their son climbs up the back of the sofa, knocks over their latte and up-ends a shelf of neatly stacked bottled-water.

In some ways, we need to acknowledge and accept these gender differences as healthy and normal, so that mums of boys aren’t dying of shame at their impulsive, catastrophe-making sons. It's no wonder exhausted mothers are holding their hands up in surrender and heading to the nearest American IVF clinic.

Mums can recognise girlie behaviour

Little girls generally play in ways that mums can relate to and join in with. Even though the scenes may make us squirm when they revolve around mothering, cooking and fairy princesses, at least we know the drill and can taste that fake cup of rose petal tea as though it were nectar of the Gods. When my son wants to roll around in the garden shooting a Nerf Gun or spending hours retrieving footballs from next-door’s garden, I quickly lose the will to live. And like many families, dad is too often otherwise engaged at these moments.

There can be an unspoken understanding that develops between mums and daughters which manifests in eye-rolling each time their brother leaps into the house with a half-dead frog, or dad leaves the milk out to go warm again.

My own daughters genuinely enjoy helping in the kitchen, and at 5 and 3 they are just as able to prepare a meal and lay a table as their ten-year-old brother. The difference is that they actually want to help. Meanwhile, I must nag the boy to stop kicking his football and lend a hand. Yes, he’s funny, adventurous, brave, kind and insightful. But it’s hard not to thank God for daughters when you’re a harried mother just trying to get through each week with everyone fed, watered and alive. On these days we must thank Heaven - or IVF - for little girls.