In a new series, we want to highlight some of the brilliant comments that we see on Comment is free (Cif) every day. Each week, the author of a recent piece will pick a comment that they think contributes to the debate in some way. We'll then get in touch with the commenter and ask them to expand a little on their post, as well as tell us some more about themselves. Hopefully, it will give staff and readers a chance to see how thought-provoking such contributions can be, as well as allowing great posts the chance to be seen by a wider audience.
To start us off, Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett has picked a comment found in response to her moving piece on autism and her brother. The comment she chose is by CanaryMummy:
My six-year-old son was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome in November last year. I can't tell you how fed up I am of people asking why isn't he like Rain Man or is he gifted at this, that or the other? He is just who he is … our beautiful boy who due to some unexplainable reason is "wired" differently from the rest of us. He is funny, frank, infuriating but most of all loving. He has his way of doing things and that's fine. He is a little sponge, soaking up everything and then spews random facts out at the most strangest of times. Last week we were informed that John Lennon was dead, shot by a naughty man. A fact we already knew but he had had that little nugget stored away, waiting to share it at some time or another. It doesn't matter how or when he shared it, the fact that he had taken it on board and did share it was what counted. He may never be a math genius or a world famous scientist (his dream at the moment is to be a scientist) all we want is for him to be the best he can, for the world to understand his world but most of all to be happy. Just as we do with our other two children.
Rhiannon explains why she chose to highlight this comment:
It was really difficult to pick a comment from this thread because they were all so touching (in fact it was one of the nicest threads that I have ever seen on Cif), but I chose this one because I felt it expressed perfectly how the parents of autistic children often feel, especially following diagnosis. Not only does it show how loved many autistic children are – looking after a vulnerable child can trigger a ferocious protectiveness in you – but also how the smallest steps forward in terms of progress are to be celebrated. The commenter's son may never be an internationally renowned scientist, as she says (although I'm sure she'll do everything she can to help him reach his dream), but the most important thing is that he is happy. I feel the same way about my brother. So often we project our own ideals onto a child and mourn the fact that they are not neurotypical, and yes, that can be terribly, awfully sad, but parents such as this never forget that their child's wellbeing comes first. It sounds as though he is incredibly lucky to have such a supportive mum and I wish the family all the best for the future.
Canarymummy explains further her reasons for commenting on Rhiannon's piece:
It was lovely to see the comment from the author of the article. This was the first time I had commented on an article in the Guardian and the piece had been brought to my attention by a group on Facebook. I felt compelled to comment as the parent of an autistic child because I believe the outside world has a very narrow, almost tunnel vision of what individuals with autism are like or should be like. They don't understand that autism is just the umbrella term and that there are many different types. I feel that it's not only my role or job to be my child's advocate and ensure he makes the most of this world, but also to educate others about his condition … not in a preachy, ram it down your throat way though. People need to see that although he doesn't give eye contact and can say inappropriate things, he is still a little boy who is capable of great things too. I think just looking at some of the comments you can see where I'm coming from! I've found its easier to just tell people he is an Aspie and wait for the questions, since watching people's reaction to a meltdown and their comments of "bad parenting" or "spoilt brat" just make me angry at them for their ignorance, which in turn isn't fair as Asperger's is a hidden disability and unless you know it's there you're none the wiser. I admit I was angry at first when he was diagnosed, then asked what did I/we did to our child for him to be like this. I guess it's like going through the stages of grief after a loved one dies. Now we're at "acceptance" with a sprinkling of "why us?" on bad days. We're still learning about it all but we have a great team at his (mainstream) school, and are slowly gathering our army of outside professional support. I don't think my comment moved the debate on or changed the way it was heading though. You're going to always have people make what could be classed as inappropriate or rude comments whatever the article. That's just the way of the world!