Though the Internet covets them enough, here in the states we don't actually get a lot of the strange fast foods that pop up elsewhere in the world. And while we are getting better at rolling out the "weird" foods locally (hello, Chicken and Waffles Lay's potato chips and Reuben pizzas!) we hope we never go as far as getting the latest delicacy out of Pizza Hut China: a pie with shrimp tempura, steamed shrimp, squid rings, fish cakes, pineapple, wasabi mayonnaise, and a hot dog-stuffed crust.
Yes. You read that right. A pie with shrimp tempura, steamed shrimp, squid rings, fish cakes, pineapple, wasabi mayonnaise, and a hot dog-stuffed crust. As much as we wish we were making that up, we are serious as a self-inflicted heart attack. In fact, our very brave siblings over at Shanghaiist went so far as to buy and eat the pie and, well, it was not good. How bad was it? Here's how their food editor Benjamin Cost describes the experience of eating it:
it tastes as terrifying as it sounds, the most hideous pairing of ingredients since The Human Centipede. It's a horrible hydra of fast food; you finish off the greasy shrimp tempura and squid rings and funky fish cakes and overripe pineapple spring up in their places. There's no flavor cohesion. The pineapple's tang, the tempura's rancidity, the squid's funk, and the sinus-scorching zing of the wasabi-mayonnaise all clash in your mouth, vying to see who can trigger the gag reflex first.
The only things salvageable are the hotdogs poking up from in the crust, which act as little escape pods that can break off uncontaminated by the clusterfuck in the center. And they're no prize. After failing to finish the "asspie," I unquit smoking just to get the taste out of my mouth.
So, yeah, that bad. Just reading about it almost (almost!) makes us want to go to Guy Fieri's to forget about this monstrosity blemishing the name "pizza."
