My sweet AJ who is turned 3 years old in August has an odd reaction to “love”. After many tests and working hard with him he still has his bad days. Today for instance he decided to run up to me and smack me as hard as he could in my back, this boy is my biggest challenge.
I look at my oldest and my youngest child, what do I see? I see smiley faces and I hear happy thoughts, I love you’s and they are overall two really happy children. Then I take a peek at my middle child and what do I see? Anger, something in his eyes that doesn’t show emotion and a child who loves to laugh but doesn’t seem to know how to show love.
It is so sad to watch the child you love so much react in such angry ways to life. My sweet AJ can be the life of the family at times with his silly jokes and silly behavior. My sweet AJ can be the most stressful part of your day with the constant punching and angry yelling. My sweet AJ seems so lost and I don’t know how to make him happy, my oldest was happy from day one much like my youngest, I rarely had to speak to her until just recently she was very well behaved and rarely disobeyed me (lovely 7 year old girls, peer pressure and emotions gone crazy is what I face with her now).
I have gone to a counselor, I have had EEG testing and suppose to have an MRI, my sweet AJ isn’t himself lately and I fear it’s mostly due to the fact that he has not been sleeping well again. I know my AJ takes melatonin to go to bed at night and he goes to sleep pretty well, but then when Justin wakes up early in the morning AJ is wide awake in his room telling Daddy that it’s light outside and time to get up. This morning AJ pointed to his carbon monoxide detector and told Daddy “my timer says it’s time to get up”. I am sad I didn’t get to hear that, because that is too cute and funny!
Next thing I know I have been walking around with a grumpy three year old who is so insanely tired that he just can’t get along with his baby brother, me or the cats. I feel overwhelmed with his behavior at times because I don’t know what to do. I refuse to medicate him, I wish to work with him. I give positive praise, I create fun activities, I take him to the park to run off his energy. I do all I can think to do for him and still it’s a chance each morning I will wake up to a grumpy 3 year old who is mad at the world.
I wonder what causes such a young little child to be so full of anger and aggression? I could understand if our home was filled with hitting, spanking and angry words, but reality is our home isn’t full of any of that. We are not a perfect family, who is, but we don’t hit, we talk when we are angry and we treat each other with respect and love. Even through this transition of my husband moving out, we are still friends and get along just fine.
I just don’t get it and everyday that my AJ acts this way is another heart break … I just don’t know what to do to help him cope with his anger in a safe way and show the love that I know he holds deep inside of him. I know I can’t take it personal, but it’s so hard on your heart to see your little child behave in such angry ways!
Make it a Happy Day!
It sounds like you’re a good Mom, and you should give yourself some credit for that, first. Perhaps a (different) counselor or therapist can work better with your son. It reminds me of when my son was younger and he would bite other children, and it was the worst feeling in the world. I hope things get better for you d=and your family!
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I can’t tell you the last time Gabby actually gave me a kiss. She might lean in after I beg but never kisses back. She usually turns away and gives me sideways hugs. It’s sad how much she has changed but it is who she is. The rare occasion when she says something like ‘mommy I love you’ out of the clear blue, I am shocked and love it. I cherish those moments but to be honest they don’t happen often. I still hope things change one day, I have faith.
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Lil Boo has gone through those stages…typically never longer than a few days, or maybe a week. There is always an underlining reason of why they act that way. We only figure it out after exhausting all efforts of what changed in our home environment, ie: stress, working night shift, a change in your daily schedule (he adheres to his schedule like crazy and thrives off it). The one thing that works…and don’t ask me why but it does…a BIG HUG! Don’t laugh, it’s true that’s the reason for my signature line from last Fall during Destruction Junction, “Welcome to the YOB Years! Where all you need is a BIG Hug!” When we catch lil boo acting up, we’ll get to his level and talk to him…communication is great, but then we’ll give him a BIG Hug, wrap our arms around him firmly, tell him we love him, that everything is alright, and that he is the greatest. The positivity, warmth, affection, and of course the touching from hugging…it does something…perhaps security. Either way, I’ve rambled on long enough, and you prob. already do this, you’re a GREAT Mom! I wish you the best of luck and hopefully AJ will just transition right out of it.
Peas Out!
~daddy b
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Aww Brandy – I know this has gotta be hard for you and I wish I had the answers. I guess the only thing I can say is to continue counseling with him as well as provide him with as much love and stability as possible. God bless yoU!
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