Andrew Breibart has an incoherent post at Big Hollywood taking issue with a video some celebrities did. It bears the ominous title:
I Pledge to Ridicule Celebrities Who Refuse to Recognize We Are At War With People Who Want to Kill Them, Too
It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. For example:
Moore’s nauseating video — which, like Steven Soderbergh’s “Oceans” franchise, grants a pristine look into the modern celebrity’s sense of self-importance — is not a sign of desire to serve the country under Obama. Watch, by March this pledge like New Year’s resolutions will fall by the wayside. It is a sign that the Democrat is in the White House now. It is a sign that they get to sleep again in the Lincoln Bedroom.
Uh, what exactly does that have to do with Oceans 11, 12, and 13? He realizes those movies are fiction, right?
I can’t write about Breitbart without including this gem from his recent Washington Times piece:
Tanned, coiffed and seriously cut, these young studs could be tossing free-trade legislation across the halls of the Cannon House Office Building faster than you can Twitter “The Bella Twins.”
It took me a while to figure out what jumped out about this quote. It’s not teh ghey, it’s that he’s perving on teen-agers.
kommrade reproductive vigor
Shorter AB: Hey famous people! Look, I’m making fun of you! Nyah nyah! Hello?
Next up: I wasn’t stalking him, I was just trying to get an interview!
Gus
And it’s teh ghey.
FMguru
Grrrr! Liberals! Always with the celebrity worship! What tiny little empty infantile brains they have!
* goes back to giving Orson Bean and Dirk Benedict rimjobs *
Cain
Nah, leave that to Portland’s mayor. I must admit if he had to have an affair the boy/man is pretty hot as I judge these things.
cain
DougJ
It’s teh ghey but unintended homoeroticism is par for the course with these guys.
kommrade reproductive vigor
GOP SOP
ricky
DougJ, does the jump to the front give you the right to pick who replaces Doughy Pantload as Object of Ridicule in Chief
in the new Obama era? Kind of an exercise of liberal fascism if you ask me.
Besides, seriously cut is seriously cut whatever your jib preference.
Comrade Dread
No, it’s teh ghey. Or the thought of some Republican getting off on young hard-bodied men filling the Congressional halls.
I always thought it was the Democrats who were trying secretly convert us all into raging homosexuals.
(Again, I’m joking people. Don’t get all weird on me.)
The Moar You Know
Andrew Breitbart sounds like he has some serious post-inaugural butthurt going on. And his earlier totally non-gay posting seems like he’d be interested in dishing some out, if ya know what I mean – wink wink
Curt
I stumbled upon Big Hollywood just yesterday–it’s some of the most mockable stuff I’ve ever read. Atrios mocks it too.
Jennifer
I’ve already started referring to the site as Big Hollywood Butthurt.
I suggest everyone else do the same.
ricky
My apologies for acting like Big Jawn Cornyn and holding up Breitbart’s nomination. You should have included this line from his column:
Damn if I had known it was about ass snorting I would never have been against the war.
kindness
Soon enough Sadly No! will catch on & then they’ll be all over Big Hollywood too.
I can’t wait. Mockery is too much fun. The comments over there on the other hand really are teh suck. Those folks have computers?
Daveboy
What’s funny to me is that these asshats never acknowledge that they would like to kill "me" as dead as any Arab, at least in a metaphysical sense. Working in some deregulated hell-hole for 6 days a week at 12 hour days with no real education and no opportunities for advancement because of some rich fuck’s hard-on for social Darwinesque supercapatalistic experiments would kill me just as dead as any Allah-screaming terrorist. Fuck, I might prefer the blade-bombs-bullets to 25 years of hard labor on the floor of the widget factory before finally being discarded into the care of my family and drinking myself to death at 40 years old.
fledermaus
If you’re going to link this you al least have to include the post from Starbuck (original Battlestar) whining on how hollywood and the feminists are turning men into a bunch of pansies. Also on how new starbuck, like, totally sucks and he was much better – no matter what those "Suits" say
dbrown
Lets see, repub-a-thugs are against science, reality, all brown and black skin people, smart people, union workers, actors, all of Hollywood, reporters, newspapers that use facts, and all Washington, the Weat coast and the East coast … and of course, the government (so they hate the military too, then.) Looks like the gop is only a group that defines itself only in terms of hate.
Andre
Forgive me for not wanting to subject my brain to the horror, but was the point of Dirk Benedict’s column really that Hollywood had gone all pussy on us, as illustrated by Ron D. Moore making Starbuck a woman played by Katee Sackoff?
Because I really don’t think Dirk wants to get into a "my dick is bigger than your dick" contest with Katee. We all know who’d win that one.
The new Starbuck is the hardest ass on TV bar none. The old Starbuck had difficulty staring down Boxey and Muffit.
Josh Hueco
If you’re going to have a gay affair, have it with someone named ‘Beau Breedlove.’
Whups, linky: http://tinyurl.com/82lun4
Comrade Desert Hussein Rat
John Cole wrote:
I have a theory about conservatives and pop culture references. Most of them are so totally unaware of pop culture that they use the names of celebrities in the same fashion that a Tourette’s sufferer uses Carlin’s seven words you can’t say on television.
Candy Andy has no fucking idea who the Bella Twins are. He saw their name in a tabloid headline, or a 60 second TV news reference where his eyes glazed over. All he remembers is the name. Not what they did, or why they’re famous, and certainly not why they’re in the news at that particular time.
Michael Moore is fat. The Bella Twins are popular. Britney Spears was naked in public. And they have no idea why either of the last two happens.
But Michael Moore is fat. They’ll always have that to fall back on.
jenniebee
WTF is wrong with these people that they can’t tell the difference between "want to" and "able to?" And for that matter, if the problem is that somebody wishes you dead, are you fucking stupid enough to think that invading a fucking country is going to diminish that? Do the people who scream "Wolverines!" at the mention of a 3% marginal tax hike really think that everybody else around the world jacks off to the vision of a foreign country driving its tanks down their streets? I mean, WTF?
calipygian
Shorter Newsmax:
Conservatism did not fail, Bush failed Conservatism.
All of a sudden, Glenn Greenwald has taken over the editorship of Newsmax.
Where WERE these fuckers the last eight years, and why are they only saying this now? They run out of free Ann Coulter books to give away?
Notorious P.A.T.
What does "teh" mean, again?
Tsulagi
Obviously you have not been a RSSF trooper long enough. A few more weeks in Basic Wingnut Training then swooning over rough men at the ready as well as tan, coiffed and seriously cut young studs will be as commonplace and unremarkable as a cheeseburger in Michael Moore’s fat hands. Or a flag or book upside down in Bush’s.
Incertus
@calipygian: They’re trying to save the brand, but they’re more than a little late. They’re trying to become David Brooks, but with even more stupid.
Joshua Norton
Well, he couldn’t have done it alone. Now the 28%er’s are turning on George II as if it’s all his fault alone. They all had a hand in it, no matter how much whiny ass finger pointing they revel in.
Josh Hueco
@Notorious P.A.T.:
It simply is a deliberate misspelling of the word "the," usually meant to caricature an excessively emotional state of the person who wrote it (i.e. teh ghey is coming for our children!). At least that’s my explanation. I’m sure someone here has their copy of The Compleat Compendium of Internet Traditions(TM) that can explain it further.
Zifnab
@calipygian:
Yeah, John Cole! Suck it!
Zifnab
@Incertus:
This is bonus amusing because even they don’t like David Brooks. It would be like the Democratic Party trying to save itself by turning into Ralph Nader.
AhabTRuler
@Josh Hueco: It can also be used to imply strong emphasis, as in "George Bush is teh suck."
Faux News
Ricky didn’t you know by "these young studs could be tossing free-trade legislation across the halls of the Cannon House Office" Dimbart REALLY meant "tossing salad (eating ass) " instead of "tossing free trade legislation". It’s all one.
Notorious P.A.T.
Josh Hueco I thank you for your answer. I still think it’s stupid, since I could look at that for a hundred years and never extrapolate "ah, so that’s what they’re getting at!" Nothing says unreasonable emotion like misspelling, huh? Didn’t we just spend 8 years mocking someone who couldn’t spell his way out of a paper sack?
gwangung
Da-yum. So much good snark in this thread….can’t possibly pick one for the win…
(Dirk Benedict? Tough guy and non-pansy? Snergle. Bwzzzp. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Not even in his salad days….)
Incertus
@Zifnab: Or turning into a Lieberman/McCain/Olympia Snowe hybrid MWM threeway. That would at least make them terrifying again.
Tsulagi
Yep.
But to be fair, and wouldn’t want to leave them out, the Rapture Riders didn’t get a whole lot for their prayers either. GW Bush, an incompetent for Jesus.
Joshua Norton
It’s a snark on the hysterical emails sent out by wingnuts (usually in ALL CAPS and different colored sentences). They’re always so irrationally strident that they don’t even bother proofread before they hit send. The most noticeable was always in some screed about "teh gays". After a while it was adopted by Dem. blogs as a way of making fun of their never ending and trivial shit fits over their supposed hot button issues that they couldn’t even bother to spell correctly.
Krista
Hell, Dick would lose that contest to Katee, Mary, Tricia AND Grace.
calipygian
Big Hollywood is pretty terrible.
The Half Hour Comedy Hour was probably the most horrible thing to appear on TV, including Quark.
That recent "Michael Moore is Teh Fat" movie was pretty horrible.
The BSG that Dirk Benedict was part of was pretty horrible.
In fact, wasn’t EVERY TV show Dirk Benedict in pretty horrible?
When are cons going to learn not to go near a video camera or editing studio, because the result turns out like a Bush presidency?
Paul L.
And I thought John was not part of the "over-the-top and gushing and borderline obscene week long inaugural love fest "
I guess John now agrees with this statement.
“I pledge to be a servant to our President…”
I pledge in the words of Number 6 that
demimondian
@Paul L.: Hey, McGoohan died last week. No overt ghoulishness for at least forty-eight hours more.
I am NOT A NUMBER.
Jay B.
Ocean’s Fourteen
Synopsis: The gang splits up to simultaneously break into the Lincoln Bedroom, bin Laden’s cave in Tora Bora and the Disney Vault in an effort to find a kidnapped heiress (Ellen Page) who possesses a codebook tatooed to her ass with the numbers of all the Swiss bank accounts the Republicans have opened in the past three years.
Mnemosyne
"I Pledge to Ridicule Celebrities Who Refuse to Recognize We Are At War With People Who Want to Kill Them, Too"
Didn’t Matt Stone and Trey Parker cover that ground with Team America, like, 5 years ago?
Way to stay relevant, dude. Oh, and the Dirk Benedict piece is apparently from 2004. Only a couple weeks in business and they’re already recycling.
calipygian
Paul L. –
What the fuck does your drivel have to do with Breitbart declaring his love for teenage boys on the Moonie Times editorial page?
Jennifer
Again, I say: Big Hollywood Butthurt
gil mann
I left a jokey comment over there to that effect, but now that I actually think about it, it’s truly sad how his idiotic Iron John politics blind him to the truth, which is that her portrayal of Starbuck is a tribute to his. The cocky swagger, the cigar-chomping, the… uh, manizing, I guess? She’s the only character on the show that really carries over from the original. Everybody else is a total reinvention. If I were him, I’d be honored.
God, the Dems have been in power since fucking lunch and already I’ve gone from fearing and loathing right-wingers to pitying them. Gotta tell ya, living in a universe that makes sense feels really weird. Good weird, but weird.
gil mann
Jesus, I’m so thrown by the seismic political shift I’m even missing the easy jokes.
She should challenge him to a sac-off!
I said "easy," not "funny."
Reverend Dennis
I guess Paul L. jerks off in one of his mom’s old shoes.
I guess Paul L. is heading down to Dallas to lay tongue to the ex-president’s nutsac.
I guess…
This is fun.
John Cole
What the hell is Paul L. talking about?
PaulB
He’s probably mad because the guy he insisted for months was "unelectable" is now our president. It’s hard to be so determinedly wrong for so many months and not be bitter about it, even if it was entirely his own fault (and prejudices). Just shake your head, pity him, and move on.
Gus
You are obviously not aware of all internet traditions.
Silver Owl
Breibart is a really bad fictional cartoon character from a very boring hardly circulated first attempt comic book.
I’m not getting his whole obsession that conservative men are made up fictional characters 24/7. That’s a serious mental and emotional issue.
Brian J
The biggest problem with Breibart’s thinking, as far as I can tell (I refuse to read any of his pieces casually, for that column in The Washington Times may have given me some brain disease), is that it relies on the idea that Obama’s rise was based purely on aesthetics. If that were true, then fixing the Republican party would be as easy as simply fixing its image. The problem is, people like Breibart don’t realize the party looks shitty because, right now, it is shitty. All of the image tinkering in the world isn’t going to give them any significant electoral gains unless there’s a sounder underlying message.
J. Michael Neal
Breitbart should become a cricket fan, because this is the headline of the day:
"Butt century powers Pakistan to win."
Brian J
Very, very, very good questions.
Maus
Yeah, but they were mostly taking the piss, or at worst making fun of everyone.
South Park conservatives are too dumb to understand when they’re being made fun of.
Edit: Hahahaha, just looked at Paul L’s site, apparently he’s a "meninist" or something.
tigrismus
grants a pristine look into the modern celebrity’s sense of self-importance
Says the go-to blog for the wit and wisdom of Gary Graham, Dirk Benedict, Earthworm Jim, et al.
gopher2b
I do hate how the celebs turn out when Dems are in office. In normal boom and peaceful years, that is reason enough to vote not-Democratic. The morale of the story here is: its Bush’s fault I have to watch and listen to the polical commentary of a B-television star from Grey’s Anatomy spinoff, and Kanye West.
Dan
Going forward, could we start ignoring the fringiest and the stupidest? I know it’s fun to peek into the asylum, but do you think it may distract us from the people that have the power to really fuck things up?
"Fair and Balanced" Dave
Sheesh. Methinks Breitbart is so deep in the closet he can see Narnia.
Bubblegum Tate
@Jennifer:
Consider it done.
And yes, that site is a treasure trove of wingnut stupidity and asshurtedness. You’ve gotta read Gary Graham’s rants about what really grinds his gears. They are priceless.
Seek
Andrew Breitbart is the essence of a True Believer (as opposed to a true thinker), obsessed with his own inflated sense of importance in a part of the world that has little use for him. I’ve read his “Big Hollywood” column many times. What we have here is a person incapable of understanding cultural expression, whether film or any other medium, as anything more than an extension of hardball, in-your-face agitprop. Though fancying himself “anti-establishment,” in the end he amounts to nothing more than a frustrated celebrity. Hopefully, his time will pass soon.