Britain’s most ecstatic parents-to-be – Neil and Monique Ward from Stafford – are finally expecting twins. Here, nurse Monique, 46, and engineer Neil, 56, tell us about the tough journey that took their relationship to its limits.
Mum-to-be Monique: When all seemed lost, I clung on to hope of being a mother
I have always longed to be a mum and that has never faded, not even in our darkest moments.
We started trying as soon as we got married in 1985. When nothing happened after a few months, we went to the doctor for tests.
I still wasn’t particularly worried. I was convinced doctors would be able to fix any problem.
For six months I kept a chart tracking my temperature which showed I was ovulating normally.
Tests showed Neil had a low sperm count but I still believed we would be OK.
A year into our marriage we started a process where sperm are placed in the uterus with a catheter. But after eight attempts, I still hadn’t become pregnant.
We talked about adoption although there was still this overwhelming yearning inside me to carry a child.
By 1987 we’d decided to try IVF.
We knew we would have to pay but money didn’t mean anything to me. We ploughed all our savings into the first of three attempts.
Each round of IVF cost £4,000. Each time it failed. I was heartbroken. Our consultant suggested we tried IVF with ICSI – where the sperm is injected into the egg to achieve fertilisation.
It was £5,000 a go but we re-mortgaged the house and maxed out our credit cards.
We had four attempts at ICSI and by now it was the mid-90s and the emotional and financial pressures were beginning to take their toll.
I felt utterly distraught and Neil bore the brunt of that pain.
I’d see friends and family with babies and want to scream. Why couldn’t we have that happiness? In 1997 we came into a little bit of money. Part of me wanted to spend it on IVF. But I knew our marriage was on the brink. I suggested to Neil that we spent it on a holiday in the Maldives.
I think it saved us. That break from all the tears was exactly what we both needed.
When we returned, I started to try to accept that I would never be a mum. I was nearly 40 and maybe my chance had passed. But then I’d read of women far older than myself having babies.
I told Neil I wasn’t ready to give up. He agreed to come to a consultation at the Midland Fertility Clinic in Aldridge, West Midlands. They said that because of my age, we would need donor eggs and there was a two-year waiting list. We felt very despondent. But it was around this time that I heard about a fertility clinic in Valencia, Spain.
There was virtually no waiting-list for donors.
Using donor eggs and sperm, we had the first attempt in November.
That was unsuccessful.
We decided to give it one last shot. We travelled back to Spain knowing that this was probably our final chance. We decided to stay in Spain for a full month this time so we could really relax before and after the treatment.
Four days after the embryos were implanted I had tummy pains. I’d never had that before.
Another week passed and the clinic called to say my blood tests post-treatment had been good. But they never used the word pregnant.
I decided against doing a test myself because I was on so many tablets it probably wouldn’t have been accurate.
When we got back to the UK we went to the clinic for a scan.
As I lay on the bed, the nurse looked at the screen and said to Neil: ‘Can you see what I can see?’
There were two gestation sacs. Not only was I pregnant, we were having twins. I cried, I laughed, I went into shock.
The babies are due on January 29, 2010, although it’s unlikely I’ll go to full term. I can’t describe how excited I am.
Of course I worry about my age. I was 22 when I started this! But my babies will have so much love.
It’s been an agonising journey but it’s been worth every penny, every drug and every tear wept.
Dad-to-be Neil: Our marriage died every time IVF failed
If it was up to me we’d have stopped a long time ago. I’ve wished Monique would say: ‘That’s it, enough’s enough’.
But I would never have said it to her. Who am I to take away her dream?
I’m already a dad to my three girls but Monique never experienced being a parent. It wasn’t my decision to make. I left it to Monique. If you love someone, you stick by them no matter what.
It’s been tough and put a huge strain on our relationship. Every time the treatment failed our marriage effectively died for three months. It was that bad.
Each time was like a bomb going off. Constant crying and total devastation.
Financially it’s crippling. We don’t have any savings. And it’s not just the cost. It’s the travelling and time off work. It adds up quickly.
I’ve also learned to tread very carefully. Women think differently to men. A lot of the time I haven’t known what to say.
I see Monique in a great deal of distress and there’s nothing I can do to make it better.
I’ve felt helpless.
Our holiday to the Maldives in 1997 was blissful. We went swimming and snorkelling every day and forgot all the heartache of back home.
It saved our marriage. We never fell out of love but I was angry with myself for not being able to comfort her.
Before we went, Monique said maybe it was time to call it a day. But I knew she’d want to try again. I knew how much she wanted a child – when you want something that much, you never give up. I nearly had a heart attack when we were told it was twins!
We both went into a state of shock and walked out of the clinic in a daze.
But we were also giddy with excitement. We’ve waited so long for this.
Sometimes we just sit and gaze at each other with big grins on our faces. We don’t need to say anything – we’re both just so happy. We play classical music and Abba to the babies and feel them moving around.
Monique’s got a proper bump now and our lives are going to change beyond recognition but I’m ready. We’ve had 24 years of getting ready! It’s just a shame it didn’t happen for us sooner.
I’m very conscious that I’m going to be a much older dad.
But I keep fit and healthy and think I’ll be able to keep up with them. And Monique is loving, caring and thoughtful. She’ll be a fantastic mum.