[Editor’s Note: A reader left a comment on a post I wrote last fall about LGBT resources for teens. She wanted to know about safe-sex resources for her bi daughter. Blogger Serena Freewomyn, who has been a youth counselor and founded the Feminists for Choice site, was kind enough to write a whole guest post on this topic when I asked her for suggestions. Here it is. (Readers may also want to peruse Lesbianstd.com, which isn’t youth oriented, but has relevant information about STD’s for women who have sex with women.)]
Has your teenager approached you with questions about safe sex? Are you looking for a little nudge in the right direction to figure out what to say? Planned Parenthood has a new guide available (PDF) to help parents talk to their kids about sex.
In my experience as a youth counselor, one thing that I tried to create was an atmosphere where the teens in our after school program felt comfortable talking about their issues. Teens can sniff out bullshit pretty quickly, so I didn’t think it was worth it to lie and pretend that I had all the answers, because it would affect the credibility of everything else I had to say. If I didn’t have an answer to a question, I would admit it and then the group could research an answer together. Sometimes we would invite a guest speaker to come talk to the group. And sometimes we’d go to the computer lab together to look up an answer. But sex talks were always natural, and we tried to keep it fun.
Many parents might worry that by talking to their teens about sex, they are encouraging their children to become sexually active. Although that worry is understandable, studies actually show that teens who have open communication about sex actually delay becoming sexually active. In an era of abstinence-only education in our schools, it’s all the more important for parents to open up the lines of communication so that their kids are empowered to make healthy decisions.
Having a formal “sex talk” can be awkward. Instead of approaching your teen with an imposing “we need to talk,” why not wait for a conversation to occur organically? If it’s movie night, you could watch the movie Juno and then talk about what Juno could have done to avoid getting pregnant. Teens love celebrity culture, so why not engage in a little celeb gossip to broach topics of healthy relationships. “Hey, did you hear that Rihanna and Chris Brown are back together? Do you think that Chris is going to beat up Rihanna again, or do you think she’s right about him changing?”
If you feel like you need to brush up on safe sex topics before you field questions, check out the Planned Parenthood guide. You can also look the Teen Talk and Teen Source websites. For help with coming out discussions, check out the XY Survival Guide
Just remember to keep your information simple and down to earth, and your teenagers will appreciate that you trust them enough to give them the facts.